Lost in the Forest
by DarthFlores
Summary: Lincoln was taking a summer long road trip with Luna and her friends, but after they make a stop at the forest so he can use the bathroom, Lincoln gets lost. Can Lincoln survive out in the wilderness?


**Note I do not own the Loud House all rights go to Nickelodeon and Viacom. I also don't own the Smosh video this fic was based on.**

Lincoln was in shotgun at Chunk's van. He, Luna, her girlfriend Sam, and her band mates, and Chunk went on a summer long trip around America performing live to millions of fans.

They were driving through a forests when Lincoln had to go to the bathroom.

"I need to stop, I gotta drain my five dollar foot long." said Lincoln as he unbuckled his belt, Making Sam disgusted. "That means I gotta take a tinkle."

"Yeah, dude, I know." said Luna, as Chunk stopped the Van.

Lincoln then ran out of the Van ran to the woods.

"Hey, Why the hell are you going so far?" asked Sam.

"I can't go if somebody can see me going!" said Lincoln.

"You're not five years old anymore dude." said Luna.

"I can't go if someone is even thinking about me going! So just stop!" yelled Lincoln.

Once Lincoln was out of site, he decided to finally go, only to notice his zipper was a button fly.

"Grr... stupid button fly." growled Lincoln. "Who's the idiot who chose this over a zipper."

Lincoln then noticed that he was completely lost.

"Um.. GUYS WHERE ARE YOU? " called out Lincoln. "SAM, IF YOU COULD HEAR ME, SAY 'DINGGLEBERRY.' OR JUST REALLY ANYTHING AT ALL I JUST REALLY LIKE THE WORD DINGGLEBERRY." Lincoln then laughed at the word. "COME ON GUYS I'M LOST!" Lincoln then noticed there was only one thing. "Alright, if I can't find my way back, It looks like I'll just have to survive out here by myself. SURVIIIVE!"

Lincoln then ran into a tree knocking himself out.

Lincoln then woke up a moment later.

"Owie, my head." groaned Lincoln. "What would Rip Hardcore do right now?"

"Drink your own piss!" Rip echoed in his voice.

Lincoln then turned his head to see Rip Hardcore standing over him. "Rip Hardcore?!"

"My senses told me someone was in trouble. So I came as soon as I could." said Rip.

"Well what should I do?" asked Lincoln. "Tell me your secrets."

"Alright, you'll need to take care of three things." said Rip. "Food, shelter, hydration. Take care of these three things and you'll be able to live out here in the wilderness forever"

"Wow!" said Lincoln in awe.

Rip and Lincoln then walked over to a tree with moss.

"Alright, first thing you need to do, is drink your own piss." said Rip.

Lincoln in, shock, could only say "What? No!"

"Alright, then I guess you can find some food." Rip said while being offended. Rip then pointed to the moss tree "First if you just look down-"

Lincoln interrupted Rip by saying "Oh... I know! if I eat this moss, it will sustain me all winter."

"No don't eat that. That moss is extremely poisonous." said Rip. Lincoln then spat out the moss. "I was just trying to get you to look down there. Someone left us a roasted chicken."

Lincoln then looked down and saw said roasted chicken.

"Oh right I knew that." laughed Lincoln as he ate the chicken.

Lincoln and Rip then walked towards a wood like structure.

"This next step will be a lot easier if you drink your own piss!" said Rip.

"I'd really rather not." Lincoln said.

Rip was once again offended "Alright man, it's your life at stake here. I guess we should get you some shelter." Rip then pointed to an unknown location "I would actually-"

Rip was once again interrupted by Lincoln. "Oh I know, I'll use these sticks to make a hut. I'll make two bedrooms so you can stay the night for a sleep over." Lincoln then started to gather sticks from a den.

"Stop it you idiot!" said Rip. "Your tearing down the last den of the endangered west African killer otter!"

Lincoln then saw the otter s but they looked so cute.

"Oh hiyuh little guys. Aren't you so cute." gushed Lincoln as he went over to pet it.

The Otters then attacked Lincoln, but he held his ground and fought back. After a while Lincoln binned both Otters to the ground and got a large rock and smashed it on them.

"Good job jerk, you just pushed a species into extinction." said Rip.

"Well they started it." Lincoln defended himself. "Anyways, what's next."

"Right." said Rip. "This is your last and final step. Hydration! All you have to do, is drink your own-"

"No!" interrupted Lincoln.

"What? You scared of a little piss or something?" asked Rip.

"I don't know it seems a little extreme isn't it." said Lincoln.

"Come on man!" said Rip. "Just drink your piss! Everyone's doing it!"

"Okay great, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not drinking my own piss!" said Lincoln.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Lincoln and Rip turned away from each other.

Later Lincoln is seen crawling thought the grass. It was hot, and Lincoln was thirsty. he tried to drink from his bottle but no water came out.

"I'm so thirsty!" whined Lincoln.

"Just drink your own piss man!" said Rip. He then got out his own bottle full of piss. "Look I got a bottle of my piss right here." Rip then drank from the bottle. "See not that hard. Just drink your own piss!"

"Damn it! I'm not, nor am I ever gonna drink my own piss, Rip Hardcore!" yelled Lincoln.

"Suite yourself." Rip then started to drink his own piss.

Lincoln saw Rip drinking and since he was so thirsty, he had no choice.

"Dang it! Fine I'll do it." said Lincoln.

Lincoln then dropped his pants, pissed in his bottle and started drinking his own piss.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUUUG! YEAH!" yelled Rip.

"Are you drinking your own piss?!" Sam asked Lincoln in disgust.

Lincoln then spit out his piss. "What! No! Even if I was I had to. I've been stuck out here for days, woman."

"Um, you've only been out here for, like, twenty minutes." said Sam. "And your not lost, the van is right there." Sam then pointed to the van.

"WHAT?!" was all that Lincoln could say.

"Yeah I saw you hit your head on that tree." said Sam. "I mean, I was gonna help, but then you started talking to yourself and building things out of sticks so I just sat back and watched."

 _Flashback to Sam seeing everything that Lincoln was doing. Even the part where Lincoln was attacked by otters. "I'm so posting this to YouTube." Sam said as she filmed Lincoln doing stupid stuff. End of flashback._

"Wow, congratulations. Your the greatest future sister-in-law ever." Lincoln said sarcastically. "Bitch!"

Lincoln and Sam then walked over to the van.

"So you really just drank your own piss?" asked Sam.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Lincoln said. "I just wanna go home and sleep."

Chuck then tried to start the van, only for it to not start up.

"Yo, Chunk, what's up with the van?" asked Luna's male friend. **( I don't know his name, but when we find out, I'll come back and edit it in.)**

Chunk then checked the engine. After he was done, he came up to Luna.

"Bad news Luna, the Van's dead!" said Chunk.

"Oh come on!" complained Luna.

"Great, now we're gonna be stuck out here for a couple of days." whined Sam. "And we definitely don't have enough food or water."

Rip Hardcore then came up behind Lincoln's seat and shook a bottle full of piss at him.

"NO!" was all that Lincoln could say.

 **Thanks for reading. Please leave a review. Now If you'll excuse i gotta go. This is Issac Flores signing out.**


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